Goosing The Thorung-La
Our goal. To Shotgun a beercan in Nepal at
the highest possible altitude reachable by walking, with no camping and to film
and upload it to Goosing the Globe whilst blazing hard the whole way there.
This place in Nepal is the Thorung-La Pass the peak point of the famous and
wildly popular Annapurna Sanctuary Trek. The Master Shotgunners that undertook
this adventure as part of a two month stay in the suburbs of Kathmandu were Captain
(my best friend and brother), Sheeva (my girlfriend and love) and your author
Jacky-Buddo (Jack Old Man in Nepali). This guide is transcribed from my hand
written notes taken every half an hour or so and is only meant to assert
strategies for exceptional methods of thinking and action to experience the
trail and greater Nepal in a powerful and unique way. Why live in your Lonely
Planet, when you can Goose the Globe.
Episode 1
Escape Kathmandu
The pen works. We woke at 06:05 to get on
our bus to leaving to Pokhara at 07:00. Everyday a fleet of busses leaves from
Kantipath bussy park (local lexiocon) to destinations all over the Nepal most
notably Pokhara, The Chitwan, Lumbini (20kms from The Chitwan) and Nargarkot.
All guest houses in The Thamel will sell tickets to all of these destinations,
how much you pay depends on several things; The place you’re staying, the
individual providing the ticket and your ability to drag the correct price out
of that person. Oftentimes this wont be an option with the phrase “fixed price”
effectively sealing the deal, if you let it. To get to Pokhara to boss the
Thorung-La we paid 750NPR each to get on one of the nicer Greenline busses.
There are plenty of wallahs selling all
types of bus snacks, chocolate croissants, pani bottle and all the usual
western sweet and salty delights and any alley way that you can’t see a
security guard in will be ripe for the J smoking. Contrary to custom these
buses do leave at around 07:00 ours at 07:15.
There’s a stop for Dal Bhat around 10:00 at
what I presume is the busiest Dal Bhat kitchen in Nepal. Crossing the road or
walking 10ft in any direction from the bus park or even just chillen on the
edge of the bus park will provide an ideal area for blazing the hot fire.
I think I should just cover the 10ft rule
right now. It’s really hard for Nepali people to say no to westerners. Don’t
abuse this, it’s a weak maneuver. However you can use it to your advantage
respectfully if you want to just blaze ganja hard anyplace anytime by observing
the 10ft rule. The only thing you have to be 100% sure of is that if you throw
a cursory glance around you cannot see a uniformed police officer. It’s better
if there is no one within that 10ft space however this seems to become less
relevant the further away you get from Kathmandu and but becomes equally
relevant as you get into Pokhara. We’re talking about blatant stand anywhere
anytime blazing. You shouldn’t really do this in the suburb you live in unless
you want to completely blow out your social status in an instant, but outside
of that area… Occasionally you’ll get the put out, you might not even know why;
maybe it’s for your own good. We would generally comply if in built up areas or
if someone we trusted gave us the sad news. In any of the tourist area
restaurants it pays to ask if you can put the flame to the fame before you’re
seated and be specific say Ganja or Hash so they can be sure to understand. I
cannot recall one ever saying no. Safety First. You can safely assume that for
the rest of this story that the flame is firing like a burning Ghat in
Pashupatinath.
This Dal Bhat is 280NPR. We’re the road
again by 10:30 and after a couple of windy hours on a bumpy road one will
arrive in the Pokhara by 14:30.
The brothers will be waiting at the bus
stop. If you attach yourself to one of the guesthouse brothers the cab you get
in must be free. Otherwise the brother will want 50NPR to take you into the
town of Pokhara. Get your TIMS (Trekkers Information Management System) 1725NPR
and ACAP (Annapurna Conservation Area Project) 2000NPR card on the way into the
Pokhara it should only take 15mins.
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Here I insert a disclaimer. This Thorung-La
crossing was done at possibly the worst and most inhospitable time to be in the
Nepal. It is Jarrho (cold in relation to temperature), tischo (cold in the
context of food and water) and ma chiknay (Mother Fucker) cold. It’s more like
to snow and the days are shorter. But it is very clear. If it doesn’t snow the
weather will just be clear as day. But I whole-heartedly believe that this just
makes the experience in a lot of ways a whole lot better. Mainly because there
is absolutely now wait for anything. You’re always first in line. Your food is
made exactly when you order it, you can presume exactly when it’s going to come
out, that’s if they have it, menu’s do shrink. The barriers that are up when a
tea shop or town is filled with inquisitive kuhire (the Nepali word for
foreigner, no negative connotation, “queer-aye”) are just completely blasted
away. In some cases people may be surprised to even see a non-Nepali (not
Nepalese, this word makes no sense when used in the Nepali language, you
wouldn’t say Australianese). It also made me feel a lot tougher to be managing
the trek when it would be at it’s most hostile.
We got to size up the mountains proper in
Pokhara at about 17:25. Even though you are so close for certain times during
the day they are completely covered by large cumulus nimbus clouds. It’s quite
enchanting to get into the rhythm of the mountains relationship with the rest
of the world that you know. They’re very clearly seen in the afternoons and in
the mornings otherwise there will almost definitely be some clouds gently
caressing the mountaintops.
Our next experience in the Pokhara was not
so hot. With so many travellers I meet whenever the conversation turns to the
business of eating while travelling, fueling the machine, getting the best
possible food I always advise ordering local food. You may not want it as much
as the cheese burger or the salami pizza with extra garlic, bacon and pepperoni
but my rationale was always that their experience cooking their own food will
be so telling in the quality of the dish. I’ve spent a lot of time in kitchens
in South East Asia, oftentimes they’re right in front of you or just through
that door with the curtain half pulled closed. I’ve spent even more quality
time in kitchens in India and Nepal though rarely do I cook. However when I do
cook in these kitchens I have a blast and I recommend if you get the chance get
into their kitchens it’s so enlightening and enjoyable. My presupposition of
them being better at cooking their more familiar dishes goes double in Nepal
when you consider that out of the 27 million Nepali people, more that 90% of
them will be eating Dal Bhat twice a day, once mid morning and then again early
evening. How good must these mothers and chefs be at cooking Dal Bhat? I was
planning on only eating Dal Bhat the whole time I was trekking so I decided I’d
start the night before just to make my meal decision easier. I like the idea of
just taking one Dal unit twice a day and I’d already eaten it that day at the
busiest Dal Kitchen in the country.
We picked a restaurant with a nice shop
front, there are some very impressive ones and were so very pleased to find
ourselves seated on low couches with nice tables. They were cool with the smoke
signals we were relentlessly sending up too. Hopes were raised to astronomical heights
when the fries were bought out; thin, hot and crispy with a side of
unimaginably delicious garlic dipping sauce. Things quickly deteriorated when
the mains came out. Sheeva had ordered a butter chicken of some kind and my
brother Captain ordered a chicken tikka curry. First we got a re-locate right
before the food came out. I think they baulked when they realized they were
serving food in a low oxygen area. I did not take long to figure out that this
food was raas. No flavor, weird texture and a taste that smacked of a microwave
job. It didn’t take long for my companions to follow suit and realize that they
were eating really bad food and why should anyone do this? I heard the call to
arms and got up and walked over so nicely to the waiter that had been serving
us, and this is the best way to do it, in the sweetest most quiet voice you’ve
ever heard, seriously so he could barely hear it I said “There is a problem
with this food brother, I need to speak to the manager please.” Sheeva and Captain
were already on foot with me moving down the stairs. You can build a persuasive
momentum when you move and act as a coherent group. I told the manager man so sincerely
and once again in the quietest voice audible that the food was not good. “O
brother I am loving the Dal Bhat so much. I like to taking two times a day,
everyday, I am like Nepali person eating soooooo (upwards inflexion on the
extended pronunciation of so, this is useful) much.”
And brother knew that I was sincere. He
asked about the other dishes. He had acquiesced defeat on my own dish but I
wasn’t going to let him get into damage control.
“No brother is no good”
He apologized; we accepted and even tried
to allay his shame a little bit. We did pay for those chips and drinks of
course.
We tried another place Pub Maya but by that
point we were all half full and just put off food so I don’t think anyone of us
finished our meal. So off to the Cadbury land with a twirl thrown in it was for
us with the night totaling me personally 550NPR. We spent the rest of the night
preparing our stash. I had made a massive hunt the day before we had come out to
Pokhara. I had scored about half kg of great grass, it barely fit in a messenger
bag 40cm by 40cm and I bought more than half with us. Stay calm keep it hidden
and no one will ever know. Safety first. Our method was to bust it up over a
metal colander and then grind it down to a powder through the colander. The
amount of time we wasted sifting through for sticks and seeds was just retarded
before we discovered this method. Never the less with this new ultra effective
method we were up till 23:00 busting up, rolling and plotting the course of our
trek on the map. We had gotten information from a number of sources for
possible itineraries. We drew heavily from one that Captain found written by a
79 year old guy who did the pass. We thought that would be a cool schedule to
follow. It had some brief descriptions, no more than a paragraph describing
what to expect each day and had some walking times, by gosh we were so obsessed
with walking times. Here’s one version, the first times are from a map of
Annapurna and the second sets of times are from the 79 year olds itinerary:
* Day 1 Ghemu to Tal Vilage - 4.5hrs
(6-7hrs)
* Day 2 Tal Village to Danaqayu - 4.25hrs
(5-7hrs)
* Day 3 Danaqayu to Chame - 3.75hrs (6hrs)
* Day 4 Chame to Upper Pisang – 5hrs (7hrs)
* Day 5 Upper Pisang to Manang – 7hrs
(7hrs)
* Day 6 Rest day
* Day 7 Manang to Ledar – 4hrs (4hrs)
* Day 8 Ledar to Thorung Phedi – 2.5hrs
(3-4hrs)
* Day 9 Thorung Phedi- Thorung-La Pass-
Muktinath – 5.5hrs (7hrs)
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